


Without The Sun

by sheregenerated



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheregenerated/pseuds/sheregenerated
Summary: The Doctor said to never give up hope, but how could Yaz have hope when the Doctor wasn’t there?It was like asking the plants to grow without the sun.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Without The Sun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrackedSkel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrackedSkel/gifts).



> I always meant to write a fic about Yaz without the Doctor but wasn't in a depressed state lately... until now. Decided to channel it into this fic. 
> 
> CW: Depression (no su*cide)

Alone. 

Yaz had never felt so alone in her life. 

Surrounded by family, but it felt as if she was the last person on Earth. No one understood her, what she was going through. Sure, Graham and Ryan knew, knew about the Doctor, about what she’d lost, but even they didn’t understand. Not really. 

For all Yaz had endured during her time with the Doctor, there was no challenge greater than the ones she faced in her own mind. She could run from monsters and aliens in the real world, but not the ones she was trapped with. The ones she lived with. 

Things had been better with the Doctor. 

She wasn’t afraid to admit that, it was as true as the sky was blue. All the danger, the adventure, constantly moving, solving problems, helping people… it had helped Yaz, too. Helped her avoid her more toxic thoughts, too busy to bother with them. Sometimes, Yaz even forgot she had depression altogether. 

Sounds ridiculous, forgetting something like that. But it was true. 

But now she’d been dropped back on Earth, without her. And she hadn’t come back, not this time. Yaz thought maybe she’d come back, got the parking wrong again, but as the months passed, she lost hope. The Doctor said to never give up hope, but how could she when the Doctor wasn’t there? 

It was like asking the plants to grow without the sun. 

Yaz always shone brightest when basking in her light, like the moon, perhaps, reflecting the sunshine. Yaz had been better, been more, so much more. She’d discovered an alien planet all on her own! Well, almost. Not really. But she’d done amazing things during those stolen days, spinning through the time vortex in that blue box. 

But those days were gone. 

Yaz had spent so many days in the TARDIS– not the TARDIS, not the Doctor’s TARDIS, but the one she’d been transported back to Earth in. She was there right now, in fact, out of some attempt at feeling closer to the Doctor. But this TARDIS didn’t feel like the TARDIS she was used to. It wasn’t hers. The Doctor’s TARDIS was alive, warm, glowing with that same brilliance as only the Doctor could possibly emit. Her TARDIS felt like home. 

This one might as well be a dentist’s office. 

But it was all she had, this cold, sterile, factory-set TARDIS was the closest she could feel to the Doctor, now. Yaz could spend eternity sitting against the console, staring out at the doors to the outside world as if maybe, just maybe, the Doctor would come through them. That this had all been some terrible nightmare and she was going to saunter in and flip a switch, the TARDIS returning to the one she knew and loved, the Doctor smiling at her as she popped a biscuit into her mouth. 

But there was no biscuit dispenser in this TARDIS. 

There was probably a kitchen, but Yaz didn’t go looking for it. Graham and Ryan came in to check on her, Graham always bringing some kind of food with him to try to tempt her to eat. And she did (eat, that is) but not for enjoyment, not for fuel between adventures, just… because she was supposed to. Easy to lose track of time in this TARDIS, especially when lost in one’s own thoughts, and any hunger she felt passed and lie dormant. No, she ate for them. 

For her family. 

She didn’t want to worry them again. This wasn’t her first period like this, where she felt like she’d lost her sense of self, her will to… do anything, really. It was always there, in her mind, she was never not depressed, but she didn’t want them to worry if she could help it. Not more than they always would. She’d tell them she was with Ryan and Graham if they texted her, but she never was. 

They cared too much. 

Graham and Ryan hadn’t had the trouble with adjusting to life on Earth that Yaz had. They’d been able to go back to their normal lives, for the most part. Actually, they didn’t seem to really have any problem with their new (old) lifestyle. It was Yaz who was the odd one out. They knew why, she could tell, they thought it was because she was in love with the Doctor. 

They weren’t wrong. 

But it was more than that. So much more. Because _she’d_ been more. What was she now? 

Who was Yaz without the Doctor?

**Author's Note:**

> In the words of the Doctor: I'll be fine... probably >.< Idk if I'll make this a thing, keep writing. I have a plot/headcanon for Yaz without the Doctor (+ trying to get her back cuz it's Yaz we're talking about) so I might continue this... let me know if you would be interested!


End file.
